


"Moony"

by tabbykats



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Depressed Remus Lupin, Depression, Fluff, Gen, Hogwarts, Hogwarts First Year, Implied Sirius Black/Remus Lupin - Freeform, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Minor Injuries, One Shot, Panic Attacks, Triggers, Werewolf Remus Lupin, implied James Potter/Lily Evans Potter - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:01:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26221561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tabbykats/pseuds/tabbykats
Summary: The story of how the Marauders realized there was a werewolf amongst them AKA how Remus was granted the name "Moony."
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 58





	"Moony"

**Author's Note:**

> This was a struggle to write honestly. Just not felt like writing lately but I needed something to take my mind off of classes. That shit is exhausting. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it and leave a comment on what you thought!

Remus looked past the burgundy curtains that framed the window. His eyes followed James and Lily. Lily was red, probably from anger, and James was laughing. His eyes slipped closed and he threw his head back. It had started to snow lightly despite it being only September. Lily pushed James away before hurrying inside. Even from the Boy's dorms, Remus could tell he’d made a nasty comment.

“Remus, eat.” Remus sighed and turned to Sirius who had his arm wrapped around Peter’s shoulders. They each held their own plate heaped with an assortment of desserts. Two cups of tea and a flask of hot chocolate sat on the wooden bedside nearby. Remus shook his head.  
“I’m not hungry, Pads.” Sirius frowned.

“You haven’t been eating lately. If there’s something wrong just tell us, we’ll sort it out for you.” Remus tried for a chuckle but it came across as more of a wheeze as if someone had piled cushions on top of his chest.

“With a bunch of cavities, that’s for sure. Dessert for breakfast, lunch, and dinner is bound to make you ill, Pads.”  
Sirius plopped onto a lavish red and gold chaise across from him. Honestly, Remus thought the Gryffindor commons were too extravagant. He preferred messily painted, wooden furniture. The stained yellow walls and black metal bars he had called home for a long time. At least there, he didn’t have to keep up appearances, didn’t have to worry about anyone nosing into his business.

“I’d rather get sick than starve to death,” Sirius mumbled. He handed over the flask of hot chocolate and Remus took it. He stared into the pool of warm brown and saw a scrawny, sickly-looking boy of eleven. Sirius stepped up to draw the curtains closed and suddenly, Remus saw dark brown eyes gazing back at him.   
Remus rubbed his eyes and shook his head before taking a tentative sip. It tasted bitter and it made his stomach spin. For the sake of his friends, he downed the drink. Sirius smiled at him before grabbing Peter and exiting the room. 

Once they had gone, Remus ran to the toilet to vomit every last drop of the hot chocolate. It’s not that it had gone off or the kitchen staff had made it taste terrible, it’s just Remus couldn’t drink it. Normally, chocolate would help him relax. Normally, it was as comforting as his mother’s arms wrapped around him when he was a child but with his anxiety, he couldn’t keep it down. The full moon was steadily approaching and he was scared. The reason why though was selfish. He was scared for himself. Scared that his new friends would see him for the monster he is and abandon him.

Remus heard footsteps coming up behind him. He flushed and let the tap run before stepping out. He nodded a greeting to a soaked-to-the-bone James Potter before turning in for the night. He smiled a little when he imagined James getting pushed into the snow by Lily, her dark red hair flying crazily in the wind. The smile faded as the sickness settled in and his pillow felt damp the next morning.  
****  
James shoved past Remus, Sirius, and Peter the next morning. His tie was undone, his robes flying up and his belt slipping from the loops.  
“Mate! Where you goin’?” shrieked Sirius. James, without turning, waved a single Tigerlily at them before running down the hall. The three of them laughed amongst themselves as they gathered their bookbags and began heading to class. 

Remus was chuckling alongside them but like a hit to the gut, the warm feeling left him. He became aware of the emptiness within him. The sinking feeling and twisting gut. His friends were still smiling happily. Why couldn’t they feel it? Remus raced to class, Sirius and Peter struggling to keep up.  
The feeling of his robes fluttering behind him made him feel powerful and yet lonely. “A lone wolf” was exactly what he was and he knew it. Even if he had friends now, how long would they stick around?

Class dragged on but Remus simply hid his book underneath his desk all while shivering in his seat. Despite Hogwarts being a school of magic, each classroom had a different temperature that matched the preference of the professor teaching. Professor McGonagall liked her classrooms on the cooler side but Professor Slughorn’s classes were always humid. Professor Dumbledore’s office was around the right temperature but it also felt incredibly stuffy. In all honesty, he loved a cooler room so he could snuggle into a mountain of blankets. He liked the rain and loved living in England because of it, though, it did sometimes interfere with his plans. He wondered, ‘would it rain again later today? What about tomorrow night?’ The battered and torn book was left forgotten in his lap. Remus looked out to see the sun just above the horizon.  
****  
“Remus, I’m worried about you.” Remus ignored Sirius’ gaze, opting to stab his chicken leg with a silver fork. Dinner was as exorbitant as always. Platters of food from all corners of the world were greedily piled onto plates. Shepherd’s pie sat on James’ plate with a chalice of grape juice beside it. Sirius had opted for some more Indian style cuisine. Tandoori chicken and naan bread piled high on a canvas of porcelain. Beside them, Peter was stuffing his face with baklava, all while wolfing down red bean buns. The combination of the two would conjure up something awful later on, there was no doubt about that. Remus had gone for some simple sushi. Asian cuisine was popular in England but good sushi was still a rarity. He could never find it at home, his little cottage in a lone forest.

All around them, students were laughing and flicking vegetables at each other, some of the older students joining in until they were scorned.  
Remus hated the extravagance of it all. It made him feel sick. Luxury was something humans enjoyed, he wasn't human and he didn’t deserve to enjoy this. He couldn’t help but think of the frightened faces of his fellow Gryffindors’, especially those of his friends when they realized what he was. How long could he keep up this facade? He was a terrible liar.

The laughter of the Gryffindors’ beside him grew louder. It echoed off the old walls. He felt people shoving through the crowd, people pushing against him. His breathing became erratic and he realized why. He was running down the halls and up to the dorms. With each clack of his shoes against the stone floors, his heart beat faster.

Upon entering the dorms, he dived into his bed. Plunging into the sheets, gripping them so tightly his knuckles turned white. His vision went in and out of focus, sweat pooling onto the sheets below him. “Breathe,” said a voice so calm and gentle, it reminded Remus of a pond he used to sit beside with his parents. The ducks would swim there every spring and he’d try to chase after them.

He could feel the blood rushing within him, the shaking of his fingers as they held onto the blood-red bed sheets. The flashes of rabbits and deer laying on the forest floor didn’t desert him until he felt arms being wrapped around him. “Breathe,” said the voice again. This time, Remus listened. He used his regular tactic of listing every color he knew in order to calm down. His breathing slowed and he buried his face into the warmth of a black sweater. It smelled of a dog that had been left out in the rain.

“S-Sirius?” Sirius shushed him, carding his fingers through tawny hair. He held him against his chest as they rocked back and forth.  
“It’s okay now, Remus. It’s over.” And Remus believed him.  
****  
The next day brought to Remus a splitting headache. Remus knew it wasn’t the moon but his own stupidity that brought it to the surface. He shouldn’t have allowed the stress and anxiety to get to him. He’d been through the process a dozen times now. In all honesty, he should’ve been used to it. But he just wasn’t. Perhaps it was because this was the first time it would happen away from home. 

The shifting of sheets beside him brought Remus’ attention to the black-haired boy sleeping right next to him. James and Peter were nowhere to be found. The only evidence that they had been here were rumpled sheets and a forgotten textbook.

Remus’ eyes widened, had Sirius not gone to class? Looking past the curtains and out the window, he saw a bright blue sky. The fog over the fields acted as a veil, concealing the whomping willow completely from view. The mist and fog always amazed Remus in that way. Would it be able to cover him too?  
Remus had to guess it was still quite early. Nine in the morning most likely. Just an hour after classes would start. He turned to shake Sirius awake but found his friend smiling up at him.

“Morning Remus.” Remus flushed.  
“G-good morning Padfoot,” he greeted.

Remus dove under the duvet, hoping Sirius wouldn’t ask the one thing he really didn’t want to talk about. Unfortunately, luck had not been on his side lately.  
“What happened yesterday, Remus?” Remus’ fingers clasped around the edge of a gold-trimmed cushion. He felt the edges brush his fingertips. Sirius noticed the gesture and cautiously replaced the cushion with his own hand. “Remus, I can’t help you if you won’t tell me anything. Everyone was really worried about you, even Lily.” Remus felt tears sting his eyes. He hadn’t meant to make everyone worry. He was such an awful friend.

Remus stayed silent and finally Sirius sighed. He let his arm rest over the other’s torso and pulled him against his chest. Remus racked with sobs and Sirius said nothing. They stayed that way for a long while. Remus ended up falling back to sleep due to his headache and exhaustion. When he awoke, Sirius was no longer there. A large black sweater lay in his place. One that Remus was clutching onto quite tightly. He sat up and felt his headache come back, though, not as strong as it had been previously.

His eyes stung from all the tears they’d shed within the past two days. He wasn’t weak. He wasn’t one to cry. He knew he was due for a breakdown though. The pressure of keeping up with scores, of being the best he could be to apologize to his mother for being what he was. He wanted those sad glances to stop. The ones that made him feel guilty. Instead, he wanted to see her smile. A happiness only he would be able to grant as her son. He wanted her to feel proud instead of pity.  
“Well, you look like shit.” Remus abruptly turned to James who was toweling his hair dry. Remus was too scared to speak, scared he might blurt out the truth or just start bawling again. He hated crying, it made him feel weak and Gryffindors weren’t weak.  
“Off you go, Prongs.” Sirius walked into the room only to shove James out.

“H-hey wait! At least let me-” The door was shut in his face and Remus grinned. Sirius copied the expression and promptly sat back on the bed.  
The nerves swirled in his stomach again. He could guess what was coming before Sirius even looked his way again. Remus guessed wrong. A hand clasped his in a loose grip.

“You don’t have to say anything. Just nod if you want me to stay with you.” Remus was hesitant but his friend provided a warmth he hadn’t felt in a very long time. Remus nodded and Sirius smiled brightly. It looked unusual on the normally glowering boy and yet, it oddly suited him.

Sirius tightened his grasp on Remus’ hand, unknowingly massaging the back of it with his thumb. It let Remus know that he was safe. He was always safe when he was with his friends. That was a fact but how long would that fact remain? If they ever found out what he was, spells would be shot at him like fireworks into the night sky on Guy Fawkes.

“You’re thinking too hard about it. Whatever it is, it’s not worth your health, Remus.” Remus stayed silent.  
“If it’s about a bad test score then it really isn’t a big deal. Prongs and I fail all the time.” Remus just shook his head before removing the covers and getting up. Sirius pulled on his wrist and Remus was sent flying back.

“Where you going, mate?” Sirius reached over to ruffle those tawny locks that reminded him of the first owl he’d laid eyes on when coming to Hogwarts. Like Remus, it was sweet and gentle but it also had a nasty bite if you ever provoked it, but that’s what made it stand out from all of the owls he’d seen in his life. 

Sirius brushed away the salty tears that had dried up on Remus’ cheeks as he lay asleep. He could feel the heat under his fingers. Remus still kept his head down, avoiding Sirius’ eyes. It would be difficult to lie to Sirius, impossible even. The boy, though he paid no attention in class, was on Lily’s level when it came to smarts. He was incredibly perceptive, nothing ever got past his dark eyes. Remus was an idiot for trying to keep a secret from Sirius. But he had no other choice.

“S-Sirius?” Sirius hummed in reply. “There is something going on but, I can’t tell you.” Sirius narrowed his eyes.  
“Why can’t you tell me?” Remus sighed and sat back, distancing himself from Sirius.  
“It’s because I don’t want to hurt you.” Sirius laughed out loud from that. Remus? Hurt him? He’d seen the boy cry over a dead bumblebee that had landed on their windowsill. How could someone so kind and gentle ever hurt him? Sirius was about to say as such before noticing the blankness in Remus’ eyes. They looked empty and eerie. They reminded Sirius of the old dolls his mother had scattered in the attic of their house. With their worn clothes and big, sad eyes. Remus looked just like one.

“Remus, why do you think you would hurt me? We’re friends.” Remus shook his head.  
“I can’t say why.”  
“Then don’t say anything.” Remus, shocked, looked up to see the warm brown eyes that reminded him of his favourite chocolates. “If it bothers you so much Remus, then just try forgetting about it. Think of something else.” Remus sighed before slipping off the bed. Sirius caught his hand. “Did I say something wrong?” Remus shook his head.  
“No. I’m getting in the shower now. Thanks, Sirius.” Sirius nodded, perplexed. Remus’ face hardened as if he hadn’t been asleep and crying all day. It was as if the tears had just vanished. As if one of their professors had hexed them away. All that was left was Remus’ empty expression.  
****  
Remus and Sirius attended class the next day. It was pouring outside, they had to hear James sing an old nursery rhyme early on in the morning:

_It’s raining, it’s pouring  
The old man is snoring  
He went to bed  
He bumped his head  
He couldn’t get up in the morning_

Peter joined in. Their shrill and squeaky voices filled the room until Lily was yelling at them to keep it down. Sirius laughed as he watched Lily’s face turn about as red as her hair. Remus didn’t laugh though. His empty expression hadn't changed. Tonight was the night after all. Though Sirius didn’t know exactly what it was, he knew something was definitely up and he knew Remus would keep it a secret.

Class carried on. The splattering of rain against stained-glass windows only served to make Remus even more nauseous throughout the day. From beside him, Sirius kept watching him but Remus was too out of it to notice.

Finally, dinner came around. They dined on samosas, sandwiches, pastries, pasties, and tea. It was quieter than usual. It was as if everyone could feel the oncoming of the full moon. They all seemed to lie in their seats with fear filling them to the brim. Well, at least that’s how Remus saw it. The only thing he didn’t see was Sirius’ hawk-like gaze staring at him from across the table.  
****  
Going up to the dorms felt surreal. His blood was pumping, his heart beating, his steps deafening. It was time to come up with the best lie imaginable.  
“Hey, guys?” Remus’ three friends turned around to look at him. “Dumbledore asked me to come to his office after dinner, I just remembered.” James nodded and Peter smiled.

“He’s probably going to have you join the prefects with your success, Remus.” James shoved Peter aside.  
“No way Wormtail, he’s going to bestow some sort of reward upon our Remus, isn’t that right?” Remus chuckled awkwardly.  
“Who knows.” He shifted his feet as Peter and James continued to scale the steps.  
“Well, let us know what happens, night Remus!” they called out. Remus exhaled until he noticed the dark presence of Sirius Black still ahead of him.  
“I’ll go with you, mate.” Remus furiously shook his head.  
“N-no, That’s okay. I can go on my own.” He held his hands in front of him. “I’ll be fine.”

Sirius didn’t believe Remus for a second but nodded and headed up the dorms as well. Once he was out of sight, Remus rushed down the steps and took a secret passageway outside. The feeling of the night air was refreshing. Frightening and yet, it provided a comfortable familiarity. It reminded him of the quiet of forests. The scent of a burning campfire. The slivers of light as they broke through a canopy of branches and leaves.

He paused and looked to the night sky. The moon wasn’t out yet but the stars still twinkled brightly in the dimming sky. It was almost time. Without another thought, he ran to the grounds of the whomping willow, avoiding its enormous branches and flailing roots as they pounded against the earth.

He dove into a hollow opening and tumbled down onto hardwood floors. Already he could feel the effects. He breathed in and out, waiting, panicking, dreading the moment when it would happen. And then, he felt it.

He felt himself growing. He felt his body ache all over as tufts of fur broke through his skin. In his last moments of consciousness, he saw the shocked faces of the three best friends he had made that depressing month of September. Sirius’ astounded gaze was the most prominent with his widened eyes and ruffled black hair. Remus felt a tear fall before he lost himself to the wolf he’d feared almost all his life.  
****  
Bright white lights shone down onto his closed eyes. He fidgeted in the clean white sheets where he lay until a stinging pain had him sitting up. The pain shot up from his leg but that wasn’t what brought tears to his eyes. It was the sight of each of his friends looking at him with concern and worry. 

What had occurred last night? The last thing he could remember was heading to the whomping willow and ending up onto the cold floorboards of the shrieking shack. The moonlight had shown through the window. It’s silver rays placing themselves on top of him and he turned. He turned and he saw a pair of dark brown eyes, Sirius’ eyes gazing at him.

Before anyone could speak, Remus was sputtering out apologies through tears.

“I-I’m so sorry. I hadn’t meant to lie. I didn’t want to hurt you guys. I-I-I-” he was going on. Hyperventilating with his shaking hands marking a border between him and his friends. That border came crashing down when each of them leaned over to hug him tightly. In calm voices and warming tones, they reassured him.

“Remus, shhh. It’s okay. You’re alright.”  
“Remus, you’re fine. We’re here with you.”  
“Remus, don’t worry. You’re okay.”

With each message, more tears streamed from Remus’ eyes. All he could do in return was apologize over and over again. Hands held his. They carded through his hair. Rubbed his back. Patted his shoulder. All of that was a sign of comfort. His friends meant to comfort him but shouldn’t it be the opposite? He was the monster that haunted children in their nightmares. He was the one to take innocent lives. To attack without reason. So why were they holding him so close? Reassuring that he was okay?

Moments after, Remus managed to stop crying. He took a breath and sat back against the cushions.  
“Wh-Why aren’t you guys s-scared of me? Y-you saw what I-I am, why are you still here?”

Sirius stayed silent. His eyes were filled with so much hurt and sorrow from his friend’s words. Peter didn’t answer either, trying to process what on earth Remus could possibly mean. James spoke up. His voice was steady but cautious.

“Remus, we would never abandon you. We wouldn’t be able to call ourselves Gryffindors’ if we did.”

Remus’ gaze emptied, his mind went blank. That’s what it was. They were just following the values and beliefs set by Godric Gryffindor, by their Hogwarts house.  
Remus heard Sirius sigh before edging close to him and taking his hand in his. Hesitantly, Remus gazed into dark brown eyes. They reminded him of the soft dirt underneath his paws. The dark husks of trees that shielded the sight of the full moon from his view. They were cold and yet comforting.

“Remus, you are our friend. We love you.” Remus’ eyes widened and looked at the others. They nodded their heads. Peter’s small smile told him they were telling the truth. “Even if you are a werewolf, Moony. That doesn’t change anything. We love you no matter who or what you are, okay?” Moments of silence followed until Remus gathered the strength to speak again.

“What did you call me?” Immediately, eyes were avoiding his. Sirius blushed. James and Peter suddenly found the floor tiles extremely interesting. Sirius looked to his two friends for support but was met with unruly mops of hair.

“I-its your nickname.” Remus titled his head to the side in confusion. The gesture reminded Sirius strangely of a cat. He sighed.  
“W-when it happened. We realized you were a werewolf so we started calling you Moony as we headed to the Infirmary.” Remus stayed quiet before laughing out loud.  
“That’s such a stupid name! How could you guys do that to me?” The rest of them joined in, all except Peter.  
“Imagine being called Wormtail all your life.” Remus grinned sheepishly.  
“Right, sorry.” They chortled on well into the afternoon. 

Remus received some of the best treatment in his life. With James rushing to get him food and Peter describing each of their assignments and Sirius, who dutifully bandaged Remus’ wounds and made sure he rested well.

When night approached, James and Peter took up space on the lower half of the bed. They’d brought blankets and cushions to make themselves a nice little den to sleep in.

As for Sirius, he sat right beside Remus. The two of them gazed out the window to view the night sky. Sirius told Remus about various constellations and Remus would just grasp his hand a little tighter for fear of this moment slipping away. But with Sirius’ smile, his delighted tone, and fingers brushing through his hair, Remus had little doubt such a thing would occur.

**Author's Note:**

> \- I know the lyrics for the song aren't correct. It was meant to be that way because that's how my friends and I would sing it when we were kids.  
> \- Don't comment about the Asian cuisine either unless you've been to England yourself. Asian foods are very popular, even back then. A lot of American writers tend to exclude that.  
> \- I wrote this because I was missing England a lot and for no other reason other than that. Please let me know what you think in the comments. I personally feel this work is more on the bland and boring side compared to what I've written previously but I'd like to know your opinion.


End file.
